the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize