please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
