no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
