Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
