I skipped work to stalk him.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
