so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
vagina is talking i cant
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
