Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
