She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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