so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
