Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize