i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
