i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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