woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
