Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
