Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he thought i was a dude.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
