I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
