i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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