Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
