I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
