Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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