low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
