Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
