My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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