I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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