sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize