Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
