He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
