Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
