did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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