Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
