oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
