can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He shit in the fireplace
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
