she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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