we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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