How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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