I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
