Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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