I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
