...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
