fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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