I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
