If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Michael Bay diarrhea
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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