She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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