SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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