im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
