You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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