WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Less talking, more tequila
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
