he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
