Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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