btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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