I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
