I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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