How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
