Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
