a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
