Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He felt like a one man threesome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
