The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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