my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
