I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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