Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
