Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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