We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
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