she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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