I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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