Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
