Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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