toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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